The Week In Review

Well I got through what felt like a marathon of a week.  It’s funny what feels like a marathon now, which was just having something to do every day.  When I was working, that was the real marathon.  Now that I am spoiled with all the time in the world to myself, having to show up somewhere every day is somewhat taxing.  Having an interview looming on Friday sort of stressed me out all week.

I signed up for a four-day Interview Workshop at the local Workforce Center, which was Monday through Thursday from 9am to 12:30 pm.  I had to get myself up quite early, as I committed myself to walking to the Workforce Center every day, which meant I had to leave the apartment at 8:15 am.  Round-trip, this was a 3.5 mile walk, which is really good for me.  The workshop was a learning and growing experience.  I wanted to learn how to sell myself better, and I wanted to stop freezing up during interviews.  The tools and skills I learned in preparing for an interview really helped a lot, and I feel like I did better in my actual interview that I had on Friday than I have done in a long time.  I also feel like over time I will get better and better as I work on the skills I learned.

There was a really nice payoff for using the Lose It! App and exercising so much last week, when I got on the scale yesterday morning I found I had lost four pounds!  It’s typical for me to sit at the same weight for quite awhile after I start making an effort, and then a chunk falls off.  It was very gratifying to see a chunk fall off and I’m encouraged to keep going.

I have mixed feelings about this job I interviewed for on Friday.  I’m not sure if it’s the right fit for me, but on the other hand I’m getting desperate for a job as my bank balance sinks lower and lower.  So, if I get it, I think I will be relieved, yet panicked.  And if I don’t get it, I will be straight up panicked.  I should hear either way by the middle of this week.  Stay tuned!

I feel like my depression has lifted somewhat, between the bump in Wellbutrin, sitting in front of my therapy light for hours and hours, and lots of exercise.  However, my unstable life keeps me feeling unbalanced and it’s hard not to be afraid.  I really crave stability – in my finances, a stable home (not this chaotic shithole of an apartment house I live in now), and stable emotions.  My goal for 2018 is stability.  I really really hope I can achieve this.

Thanks for reading, and please let me know how you are in the Comments!  Peach out!  BPOF.

13 thoughts on “The Week In Review

  1. i’m hearing ya on the fear! 2 weeks to go and crapping myself about money…but i don’t want to apply for another job…not yet… its such hard work just getting dressed and ‘adulting’ every day….i’m wondering if there’s some other way…. and like you, craving stability on all fronts … here’s hoping 2018 brings us both what we need x

  2. It’s such a battle but it sounds like you’re a bit of a star and are trying really hard to get things going in the right direction! Keep going … keep battling! A nice, happy, easy job will give you some stability and money for sure 🌼🌼🤞🤞🤞🤞. Fingers crossed for you.

    • I’m a bit of a star?!?! How extremely nice of you!!!!! This job I interviewed for would not be easy which is why I am anxious about it…but easy jobs bore me. Thank you for your kind thoughts and wishes, you made my day with these words!!

  3. wow. i think you should look back on your week with a lot of pride. i think it’s good practise from time to time to take a look back over a certain period of time and see how far you’ve come. it’s easy to get despondent as you slam into the next depression or next unproductive high and assume that there is no progress, but i think there’s always progress to find. yay! (Elle)

  4. This seems like a very busy week with a lot accomplished. Good for you. It may be imperfect, but it looks like a lot of progress that enables more choices, like maybe take the job or not. Good on the exercise too!

  5. I’m really proud of your accomplishments — interview workshop, interview, walking to/from workshop, and weight loss. Well done. You’re really stable. Financial insecurity makes you FEEL unstable because you fear homelessness (and starvation). Terrible that you haven’t been able to secure work. Have you considered doing temporary work in IT security/ethical hacking? Are there agencies that specialize in those specialize tech placements?

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