Hello From My Study :)

I am in the STUDY of my new home, people!!!  Looking out at a gorgeous crabapple tree with gobs of birds in it and a lovely greenspace!!  Oh. My. God!!!  Has my life improved!!  It is sooooo goooood to be gone from the shithole apartment!!! I didn’t realize how oppressive it was.  Well, on some days I did, but I suppressed my feelings about it because I knew I had to live there.  But now, living somewhere beautiful, and quiet, is just so nurturing and happiness-producing!

I did have a setback last weekend.  I found mouse droppings in my living room and I pretty much lost my shit.  I’m pretty sure it came in through the gas fireplace.  I took my ass over to Target so fast to buy mouse poison, your head would’ve spinned!!  I was pretty thrown off for quite a few days, but now I’m pretty sure the mouse is gone.  I haven’t seen any droppings in many days, or any signs that the poison has been eaten any further.  And believe me, I watch it with an eagle eye!  For a couple of days I thought my new apartment was ruined, but alas, it is not.  Hallelujah.

I do have to say, I’m just on this side of functioning in life.  My job is exhausting me!  I just plain wasn’t made to work full-time.  Or maybe it’s my age.  Or my illness.  Whatever the case may be, I pretty much get up, go to work, come home, and go to bed.  I lay in bed on an ice pack and eat something like carrots & celery and drink my “cocktail” (Sparkling Ice) and I fall asleep ridiculously early listening to Oprah Super Soul Sessions podcasts.  Once in awhile my little sister and my niece will come over to swim after work and then we’ll have dinner, but that’s the exception, not the rule.  And after those times I’m super-duper exhausted, but I need the social contact.  I’ve been pretty lonely because my lack of functioning leaves me with very little social contact, besides work.

I’m getting between 5,000-10,000 steps in at work and I’m still tracking what I eat, so my weight is still very slowly going down.  That makes me very, very happy and grateful.  We had a family reunion two weekends ago which was a marathon of socializing and a marathon of overeating.  It was hard to get back on track after that.  I haven’t been walking in the mornings like I was at the old shithole.  I keep meaning to, but somehow I don’t.  Again, it comes down to my level of functioning.  I’m doing what I can, people.  And I’m just keeping the work train humming along right now.

Aside from the mouse crisis and some loneliness, my mood is still pretty stable, thank God!!  Summer makes everything easier.  I do have a bit of a feeling of dread as I notice that it’s getting light later and later in the morning, and getting dark earlier and earlier at night.  That, I hate.  For the most part though, I am still a very grateful person for everything that’s going on in my life.  Things have improved so damn much, from living in the shithole and being jobless, to the job with the horrible commute, to now, where I live in super-deluxe digs, and my job is two miles down the road and I can come home for lunch.  Yeah!  I’m grateful.

I’m curious how other people handle their level of functioning, working full time, having a life, etc.  I’d love to hear from you in the Comments regarding this, or anything else you’d wish to share.  BIG HUGS to all of you!!  BPOF.

9 thoughts on “Hello From My Study :)

  1. This is incredible progress!!!!!!! It’s so nice to read about your place, your short commute, and your gratitude for it all…it is beautiful!

    I had a terrible mice problem in a revolting, tiny, overpriced “studio” (closet) where I lived 20 years ago & they were dying in my clothes drawers, in between my clothes. I was already depressed at the time and that made things much worse.

    We’ve had a major *rat* problem in our house–trust me, it was a total nightmare. I’m glad you didn’t let the mouse setback overtake things because I can see how that could easily happen!

    I have two screaming kids in the background I must attend to (ah, the joys of summer) but please know I think of you and always I’m rooting for you! 💕

    • Whoa your mouse problem sounds hellacious!! I’ve definitely had worse. If it gets any worse I will call an exterminator, I’m not messin’ around with my dream home!!

      I am sooo sorry to hear you had rats!! They can be so much worse than mice, from what I hear. I would lose my mind…

      I hope you’re having a good summer with your darlings home!! I started my Saturday out very productive and now it is evolving into a lazy afternoon and that’s fine with me…I deserve some downtime 😁

      Big love to you DyDy!!

  2. Thrilled you are doing so well. Work while living with bipolar is exhausting. When I was younger, before diagnosed bipolar, I just periodically crashed after overworking. Keep up the good work. I’m impressed.

  3. I was diagnosed with being bipolar year ago, I believe the only reason why I was diagnosed with being bipolar was due to my psych break. So I am pretty new to the whole bipolar diagnosis. I am not sure if I fully believe that I am bipolar. I had one year of my brain being out of wack. Now that I am on medication (I should say somewhat feeling normal medication) I feel my brain is functioning much better. Dealing with life has been pretty hard since it happened and actually before it happened dealing with life has been a pretty daunting expereince. I definitely struggle with the day to day life situations, dealing with co workers, trying to have friends, dealing my living situation, and dealing with my job. In all those areas I am just not happy. I have been trying to change things but it is so hard.

    I don’t have any children and I don’t drink really and that seems to be all the things my friends want to do. I honestly don’t blame them. I chose not to drink because I already have hard enough time dealing with life, i don’t want to have to deal with a hangover either. I am really just looking for someone talk to and share experiences and maybe find a friendship through all this with someone who experienced some of the things I have experienced. Well thanks for reading. Hopefully, I’ll get to meet some interesting people. Thanks Ren

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