I Applied For Ten Jobs Today

I started out the day by applying for one job.  Just one.  And then I sort of had a crisis in my head.  “Are you not desperate enough?”  “Are you waiting for a crisis?”  On and on.  See, most of the jobs are in Denver, and I don’t feel like I can do the commute to Denver.  In traffic, it’s probably going to be an hour each way.  Or more.  But even though I don’t feel like I can do that, I also don’t want to get to that very dark no-options no-money place.  So yeah, I guess I’m desperate enough to apply for jobs in Denver.  I even applied for a job with the Denver Broncos (GO BRONCOS!!!), even though it only pays a measly $40k a year.  It’s the Broncos!  I don’t know if I could even afford my white trash apartment on $40k a year, but I had to apply.  Some of those other jobs might pay similarly, which is why I hadn’t applied for them previously.  Or I thought they were below me, like Help Desk jobs.  I don’t want to sit on a Help Desk and answer phones.  But, once again, I have to tell myself, I don’t want to go to the dark place more.  I fear the dark place.

One of the questions that lots of employers like to ask is if you have a disability.  They say blah blah blah we work with the government so we try to hire people with disabilities.  Well I used to answer that yes, I had a disability.  I thought it might give me a leg up.  Now I look at it as a way for employers to discriminate against me.  I don’t answer “no”, I just answer “I refuse to answer”.  I know that’s probably an answer in itself, but I’m not going to blatantly label myself as someone with a disability, because I don’t ultimately believe that employers are going to go out of their way to interview or hire me based on my disability.  Anyone else have an opinion on that?

Well my adventure with Meetup has ended.  I killed the Meetup I started yesterday.  I decided to trade the monthly expense of the Meetup (which I was getting nothing out of) for Netflix!  So now I can watch tv instead of just sitting and staring into space!  Yay!  I am excited to have a new way to kill time.

I loved loved loved and appreciated everyone’s feedback on my last blog, it was SO comforting to have people relate to what I was saying!!  This is what makes blogging so rewarding.  So, THANK YOU, PEOPLE!!!  Hope you’re all having a lovely Sunday.  Love, BPOF ❤

The Time Is Now!

Well this is it!  The shit is hitting the fan, peeps!  Funds are running low, time is running out.  I have to find a job.  And I have to take this *&%$^&* test!  I am passing the practice test with high scores, but that’s only because I have studied my wrong answers.  It doesn’t mean I get the concepts.  However, I’m hoping that I have enough basic knowledge to pass the test.  I doubt it, but I have to try.

I have begun to apply for jobs in IT Security, stating in my cover letter that I recently received my Security + certification and that I am studying for my Certified Ethical Hacker certification.  I feel like a fraud.  I mean, I have learned stuff, but I am by no means a Security Professional.  However, I have to try!  Maybe someone will give me a chance and I’ll get a job where I can learn on the job.  I’m good at that.  I don’t know what else to do!  I can’t go back to my old work, the thought makes me want to chop my own head off.  So, to sum up, I’m scared, I’m overwhelmed, I feel like a fraud, trying anyway.

In happy bird news, Peaches has now laid three eggs.  In sad bird news, Peaches and Herb seem to have no inclination to incubate the eggs.  😦  Maybe I’ll take them out and keep them in my bra.  HA!  That would be something, walking around with tiny bird’s eggs in my bra.  I am trying to let go of the outcome and just enjoy my little cheepers.  They are incredibly cute and brighten my days.  Lots of time is spent watching the birds.

In Meetup news, I have a hike this weekend.  Don’t know if my fat ass can even accomplish this hike, I’m thinking I need to go for a dry run today.  We’ll see if I actually do it.  I have oodles of good intentions, but you know what they say about good intentions . . .

I had a real bad day of depression earlier in the week, but now I’m kind of back to the status quo.  Except for this undercurrent of fear about life.  That’s kind of a downer.  I think the only cure is to take more action for the future.  Sitting curled up in fear is guaranteed to get me more shitty feelings.  Oh God life is hard some times… I hope I don’t sound like a great big whiner.

Well that’s all for now, thanks for reading!  Next time I hope to have something exciting or exotic to say.  Peach out homies!!

No, YOU Started A Meet-Up Group!

WHO is this person and WHO started a Meetup Group for persons 50 and over?  She sounds like a fucking centenarian!  My God!  The scandal!  Trying to meet people her own age!  And in her own town!  And an Introvert, mind you!  It seems I’ve drunk the kool-aid about it not being good to be isolated all the time, I guess.  Maybe I miss having more friends / social contact than I have now.  Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow morning and think what a bad fucking idea this was and ask for my money back.  And maybe I’ll grow a tail 🙂  Well what the hell.  I started a Meetup group.  Forgive me for cutting this short.  I’m compulsively monitoring Meetup to see if anyone has joined my group yet.  I’ll keep ya posted 😉