Holy GOD I didn’t know if I would make it to Christmas, I got so sick with the flu, or maybe it was African Sleeping Sickness? I have been in bed for the last two days, no lie. The only thing I managed to get up for was to feed the birds. I worked at home on Thursday and Friday because I could feel something coming on, but I didn’t know it was a Mac truck coming to run me down! This flu is BADDDDDDD!! I didn’t even eat for two days! My appetite was just gone. Oh well I am somewhat better today, I am out of bed, drinking coffee and contemplating taking a much-needed shower. I think I will go to Christmas with the family, our white elephant gift exchange is so fun, with people stealing gifts from each other, etc., it’s a hoot. You just can’t get too invested in your gift.
I’ve been thinking about past Christmases, the best, (when I got a Baby Alive that I could feed and it peed and pooped in its diaper) the worst (when I got a Bible and magenta sweatpants) and there have been some great Christmases as an adult too, mostly when I had really nicely-behaving boyfriends who made me feel totally loved and showered me with gifts. Ah, those were the days. I miss my youth. People who are young: ENJOY YOUR YOUTH! It doesn’t last and then you miss it!! So enjoy it while you’re there!!
I haven’t decided if I’m going to go to work tomorrow, yes it’s three weeks and counting. I have been doing some major bullshit to fill my time but major bullshit is the name of the game with this job. I will not be sad to leave this job but I’ll be sad to give up the paychecks. The end is coming soon and I have no future job prospects. Eeek! I did not foresee a career change / return to the full-time job market after four years to be as hard as it is. I should just have a sign in my house that says “Life is hard. Deal with it.”
Still not smoking, thank God, I think I would be much sicker if I were smoking through this flu. So I am grateful for that.
I hope you all have a lovely Christmas, Hanukkah or whatever holiday you celebrate this time of year!! Take care of yourselves and keep me posted on how you are, will ya? Peace!
Wow, it’s been five days and I’m still the Snot Queen! Yahoo! It’s good to be Queen. Oops. No. Not of snot. Well what the hell is going on? I am sweating this new insurance I had to buy with the new year. Am I insured? Yes. Or maybe no. It depends on who you ask. This is not very reassuring since I have prescriptions that are running out tomorrow and the refills would cost me oh, around $900 without insurance. Yep. That’s for generic fucking Abilify. I told you that drug is my nemesis!! It’s a devil drug company, but the shit actually works pretty good. One of the few mood stabilizers that doesn’t have me eating the kitchen table, so I like it. That, and I have a modicum of creativity back. How the fuck do these things work? How do so many of them steal the muse, and then one doesn’t? It’s really a mind-fuck to me. Are we just ultimately a set of chemical cocktails? I tend to think so. And my cocktail is good right now, baby. Don’t fuck with it! That’s what I’ll say to Dr. Drugs next week when I see him. He is a fan of the “tweak”, whereas I am much more “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” This is why we lock horns. Sooner or later I fear he may fire me for being such an ass-pain. In the meantime I’m gonna fight! For the right! To funnnnnnnnnction!
On the weather front, I’d say it’s between suck and suckaroo with about five inches of snow today. Driving is..an..adventure with snowpacked roads and assholes with four wheel drives (I have a four wheel drive but in this one case I’m not an asshole) trying to pass on two lane roads if you’re driving cautiously. I guess it’s time to go sit in front of the therapy light again and dream of warmer climes…nothing wrong with a little fantasy, right? Hunky hunks and warmer climes are what I want! All in good time….
Hope your day is fantastico, filled with good drugs, good human connections and a general lack of assholes! Peach out!
Being sick sucks! Big-time! For us Bipolars or Depressed Persons, it can cause a resurgence in our mental health symptoms as well. For me, I tend to get very mental whenever I run a fever, losing all perspective and going straight to suicidality. Fortunately, this flu doesn’t feature a fever, or if it does, my daily dose of meloxicam (all day painkiller) is counter-acting it, because I haven’t gone completely mental, for which I am grateful. I have pretty much calmly accepted that all I can do is lay in bed, cough, blow out snot, and sleep. Not too much eating, maybe a light snack per day, and no coffee or light therapy. Just sleep. Knocked on your ass much? Why yes, yes I have been.
Because I am an asshole, I remember having a fleeting thought last week that “I wish I could get sick so that I could check out of life for a couple of days.” I KNOW!! Totally assholian!!! So, on the off chance, or the maybe-chance, or the probable-chance that I can create these things with my thoughts, let me state loud and proud a few more wishes that I’d like to bring into reality: 1. I wish I’d come into roughly one million dollars (Dr. Evil voice); 2. I wish I’d meet a hundilyicious hunkety-hunk of a man who fuckin’ LOVES me; 3. I wish I’d lose twenty five more pounds and keep it off. Not much, eh? I think these things can TOTALLY happen!
Well I feel like a new person, I just took a shower for the first time in….five days? I know, don’t judge. I was gross. I am off to make my famous fruit-and-veggie smoothie, the cornerstone of my healthy diet. Hey, let me know how the hell YOU are, eh? Peach to the outs, homies!
Wow, just when I feel like I’m really cookin’ with gas, I find out that I am actually cookin’ with gas! H. Pylori, to be exact. A stomach infection! What the holy hell?? An innocent little appointment with the gastroenterologist to check in and say, Hi, I haven’t been able to go without this here proton-pump-inhibitor for fourteen years, that’s all! My primary care physician says that’s kind of a long time. For someone who achieved her first ulcer at four years old, I say, fourteen years is not that bad. BUT! Allegedly, it’s not good to turn off all of the proton pumps in the stomach! What the fuck do I know? So, the gastroenterologist says, let’s do a few blood tests! Let’s do an upper endoscopy (scheduled for next week). I, being a person who loves to give up my blood and loves medical procedures even more, said sure!
So, I got a call back saying hey! You have H. Pylori, an infection in the stomach! Let’s get you on some antibiotics! No, not one antibiotic! Not even two! You get to take THREE antibiotics! Because you never get enough yeast infections!! Let’s go for total certainty!! So, I am on three antibiotics. I AM SO LUCKY!!! All those good microbes I was trying to cultivate in my gut with super-expensive probiotics should be wiped out in the next few hours. My guts keep gurgling ominously. There may be an explosion in my near future. Is that TMI?
I’ll tell you one side-effect of H. Pylori that I did not get: WEIGHT LOSS!! H. Pylori, you bitch!!! How could you deny me that????? I swear, my body doesn’t even do sick right!
Well I am off to the dentist to drain my bank account. I have some really good looking chompers, but man! They cost me thousands of dollars a year. If they ever find my dead body somewhere and go for dental identification, they’ll say “This fucker sure wasted a lot of money on her mouth!” I just thank Jugdish that I have the money to do it. For now, anyway. I’m gonna go eat a peach. Ow! The pit! That’ll be another seven hundred dollars . . .