Radical Forgiveness

I went to Unity Church in Clearwater, Florida for the first time yesterday, and the topic of the sermon was Radical Forgiveness. It was very thought-provoking and I thought about the people in my life whom I considered unforgiveable. The pastor, who was incredible, likened withholding forgiveness to me drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. The withholding of forgiveness really causes ME to suffer, NOT the person who hurt me. It doesn’t affect the other person at all. There are two people I can think of whom I consider unforgiveable: The first being the boyfriend who beat me up on my thirty-fifth birthday. That experience damaged me beyond belief. It hurt me down to my soul. I haven’t allowed another man to come close enough to me to love me since. And that was thirteen years ago! Who is suffering because of a lack of forgiveness? Me. Only me. This man has gone about his merry way. The second person who I have a hard time forgiving is my youngest sister. She is one of those people who takes the most tender, vulnerable parts of me, and uses them to hurt me. She has no rules when it comes to what comes out of her mouth. She will do anything she can to injure me. So I have no relationship with her, out of self-protection.

The Unity pastor suggested that we take a big yellow legal pad, and fill the front and back of a page, every day, for a week, writing “I deeply and completely forgive -________.” I don’t have a yellow legal pad but I do have a lined journal that will work just as well. I am going to take this challenge, because you know what? I want love in my life. I want healing. I want to stop drinking the poison. This doesn’t mean that I’m saying that what that boyfriend did to me was ok, it was absolutely NOT ok. It means that I am releasing the hurt that sits on my soul, which prevents me from allowing love in. This doesn’t mean that I’m opening myself up to my sister, I’m not. I know that what she has done in the past, she will do again. It means that I see her as a child of God, and that I am praying for her wholeness and happiness. I know what holding on to the pain and hurt has gotten me, this week I’m going to experiment with letting it go. If you can, if you have the need, please join me. Have a great week, everybody.

Walking With Spirit

I took a walk yesterday in my new neighborhood.  What’s normal and natural for me is to find a route, and stick with it.  What I’m pushing myself to do instead of that is to explore the whole neighborhood, and go down different streets and paths on each walk.  I’m tired of always taking the “safe” road.  I need to explore life, and my little walks are a metaphor for that.  As I was walking I was thinking about Spirit, The Other Side, whatever you want to call it.  Being in touch with That Which Guides You.  I have been so out of touch!  I haven’t felt very guided at all.  I’ve been in so many bad places over the past year, and I’ve blamed God.  I know that’s not very highly evolved, but that’s the truth.

So here I am on my walk, and I’m just experimenting with listening to Spirit.  Here’s an unexplored path.  Do you want to go this way?  Or how about this way?  My instinct is resistance.  I am allowing myself to be gently led down the path of exploration.  I have asked the Universe to take me places.  I have asked the Universe to help me evolve.  Now I have to do my part, which is to say, I have to be willing to stretch.  I have to try new things.  So I walk.  I take the new path.  I turn left, instead of the familiar right.  It may sound trite, or simple, but for me, it’s a step out of my comfort zone.  One step leads to another, which hopefully leads me down the road to the person I want to be.  It’s a practice in listening, and being receptive to new ideas.  It’s an opening of the mind.  For the first time in a long time, I don’t know what the future holds, because I am receptive to change in me and my life.  For the first time in a long time, I am becoming.  I am not done.