What goes up . . .

Well I am finally done having visitors.  First, my parents were here for two and a half weeks.  I honestly didn’t know how I would handle so much time with others since I’m used to being alone, alone, alone but it was really good to have the ‘rents here.  Then, just as they were leaving, my sister M came for a long weekend to celebrate her fiftieth birthday.  We are so close and we had just a wonderful time.  Talking about everything in the world, going to the beach, walking here there and everywhere, laughing, and, my gift to her, swimming with the manatees.  Yes.  It was incredible and I highly recommend it, if you ever have the chance!!  We spent two and a half glorious hours in the waters of Homosassa Springs, snorkeling about with these gentle giants.  It was spectacular!!  I just tooled around in the water, saying “Thank you, God!  Thank you God!”

I was so sad to drop my sister off at the airport on Monday afternoon.  What a downer to be alone again.  I had an ECT treatment yesterday, and they made me take a drug test!  Why?  I don’t know.  I really don’t like this ECT provider at all.  And I don’t know if the ECT is helping.  At first, I thought yes.  Then today, when I just plain didn’t want to wake up, I said, why do I bother?

Well, time to find some other meaning in my life.  I can’t just live from one visit to the other.  I think I might go to the botanical gardens today.  I think getting out of my comfort zone and doing new things is good for me.  I did a lot of it while my parents were here and I need to keep it up.

So, how is life in your world? ❤

Off To The Races!!

RACE1

My parents have been visiting for about a week and a half and I have to say, it’s been doing me good.  Having them here forces me to get off my ass and go do things every day.  They didn’t rent a car because they’re old and they tend to get lost, so I am basically their chauffeur which is fine with me.  We have been getting out and seeing things that I have never seen here.  It’s hard for me to get up and go, and it’s really stretching me to get out of my comfort zone and go experience all these new things.  I mean, for most people this would just be fun.  But for me, in the state I’m in, there’s a certain amount of stress in trying new things and going to new places.  But I KNOW that it’s good for me and I’m hoping that I can keep it up once they’re gone.

Today we are going to the horse races!!!  My mom has always wanted to go and I have always loved horses, in fact, I had one when I was growing up.  I will be taking my “big camera” (Digital SLR) to try to get some cool pics.  I haven’t taken many pictures lately but since my ‘rents have been here I’ve used the camera quite a few times.  Progress, progress.  I’ll take it where I can get it!!

Hope you all are having a wonderful weekend!  BIG HUGS!!!  ❤ ❤ ❤    <———– I wish I could insert purple hearts but that is beyond my capabilities.  Peach out!

Taking Action

Well my new behavior that I am working on as I take this DBT intensive is taking action.  I have been so stuck lately, stuck in my Comfort Zone which equates to staying home alone and isolating.  This is really harmful to my mental health.  Although I resist it with every fiber of my being, I am forcing myself to take action, as in, going out and doing something with other people.  I have to say, I hate pushing myself.  I really love my Comfort Zone!  That doesn’t make sense I know but I am really a creature of habit.  The other thing I have historically done while sitting at home isolating is I’ve abused substances quite extensively, mostly marijuana but some alcohol too.  At some point towards the end of last year I came to the conclusion that being stoned all the time was worsening my depression and I stopped using weed.  Right now I am really missing it.  I miss the oblivion!  I have committed to staying sober throughout the nine week DBT intensive that I’m taking, so today I went to an AA meeting.  (That was my “getting out of my Comfort Zone” behavior).  It was just as it’s always been, except when I used to go twenty years ago, everyone wasn’t messing with a cell phone.  Remember when we just had home phones?  Land lines?  Yeah that brought me back.  I used to sit in the bathtub and talk on the phone for hours.  Those were the days….

I had to go to the hospital where Dr. Sweetie works today.  This Clozaril is such a pain in the ass!!  I have to have weekly blood tests so they can make sure it’s not killing me.  Today I went to the lab and signed a release so that they can fax my lab results to the pharmacy.  It’s hard-core!!  I was so worried that I would see Dr. Sweetie (I didn’t).  I am very sad about the complaint my sister filed against Dr. Sweetie.  Even though I know the complaint has merit, it just makes me sad to picture Dr. Sweetie having to deal with the consequences of the complaint.  Dammit.  Why does life have to be so difficult?

Tomorrow I have absolutely zero plans.  Well I guess that’s a bit of a lie because I will have DBT homework to do.  What am I going to do for the rest of the day?  Hopefully I will find something productive to do.

Well my nighttime medicine is kicking in and my head is full of clouds.   Please forgive me for writing the world’s most boring blog this evening, I really just wanted to check in and say “Hi”.   Soooooo……how are you?