I am going to share with you the most wonderful recipe I seem to have invented last night, stoned, in the middle of some serious munchies. Since I didn’t have much on hand, I seized upon Pasta! And Cheese! And said I Can Make Something!! These are the precise instructions on how to make Stoner Mac ‘N’ Cheese aka Heart Attack Mac.
Throw half a stick of butter in a pot and turn on the burner. Once it melts, pour directly from the flour sack until you have a small mountain of flour in the butter. Begin to stir, realize there’s too much flour, and add a little more butter. Once you have a nice paste, introduce the Half N Half. Just pour it on in, one glop at a time, stir, and start to form a slurry. What you’re looking for here is something resembling pancake batter. You may at this point be saying AH HELL NAH I AIN’T MAKING NO PANCAKE-BATTER CHEESE SAUCE to which I say STAY WITH ME BITCH IT’S HEART ATTACK MAC AND IT’LL BE THE BEST YOU EVER HAD!! Ok back to the “sauce”. You have a nice hot slurry. Now we’re gonna throw in any available cheese into it. For me this was about ¾ of a cup of shredded cheddar, and ½ a cup of shredded parmesan. Stir, stir, stir. Now ya got pancake cheese sauce slurry. Keep that sucker warm and in the meantime cook up ½ a bag of seashell pasta for 10 minutes or so. Drain, and pour your slurry over the drained pasta. Mix! Toss into a glass casserole (I didn’t even grease the damn thing) and hand-sprinkle some Italian Bread Crumbs on top (again it’s what’s on hand) and throw that sucker in a 350-degree oven for fifteen minutes. Voila! Heart Attack Mac and I SWEAR THE SHIT IS GOOD!!!
I am drinking a delicious morning cup of coffee, my second, and pondering my Sunday without Broncos football. I really do not know what I am going to do without the Broncos. I know I have them next weekend but then that’s it! Oh Lord. I think by next weekend I will be driving again so at least I’ll be able to venture out into the world, that will make a HUGE difference. I just hope that my cognitive functioning will be sufficient to support the operation of a motor vehicle by that time. If not I will occupy myself with some low-speed automobile accidents. I should be able to create some that don’t involve injuries, I think. I will choose good-looking male victims, or maybe even a FIRE TRUCK! Oh fuck yeah running into some firemen could really make the day enjoyable. I would come up with a reason to lie down for sure. Lie down in a provocative pose, have a little chat……. Hmmmmmm what to wear. I better study air-bag deployment. At this rate I may never go back to work. And that is ok with me. WOW a new reason to live, it’s amazing how one can find one from basically anywhere! I’m going to my closet now to put some outfits together…you just don’t KNOW how excited this idea has made me! Firemen! Firemen! Firemen! Bipolaronfire newly obsessed…sweet!