A Painful Week

This week, my body started attacking me with severe abdominal pain, seemingly out of nowhere.  It actually happened once the week before, at 4 in the morning, but I thought it was just an anomaly.  But this week it began occurring with some regularity.  It was happening after eating a meal, and I was also consistently getting woken up at 4am with severe pain.  So, I went to the health clinic and they said it’s probably my gallbladder, and I need an ultrasound to diagnose it.  In the meantime, I have to eat an extremely low-fat diet.  The ultrasound is this coming Tuesday.  I have lost my appetite and severely cut down my food consumption, so when I got on the scale today I had lost three pounds, YAY!  The happy side of extreme abdominal pain.  Nevertheless, I am worried that they won’t find anything with the ultrasound, and I’ll just be left hanging with this extreme (EXTREME!) pain.  I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Being in this much pain really took it out of me this week, I actually had to take naps, which I never do, and I only exercised one time this week.  I didn’t do as much on my job search as I usually do.  I had two phone interviews, one for a Security job and one for a Desktop Support job.  The Security job requires a Top Secret clearance, which I don’t think I’d be able to get, with a foreclosure, bankruptcy, and mental illness in my history.  Plus, I would have to wait months to start the job while they secured the clearance.  The Desktop Support job sounds promising, but when I looked up the company on Glassdoor the reviews were total shit.  However, I am desperate for a job so I don’t know how choosy I can be at this point.  I did get another email for another phone interview on Friday, hopefully I will have that one on Monday.  That job is closer and hopefully it’s a better company, I need to look it up.

My mood crashed to about as low as it could go when my rent got withdrawn from my bank account and I was left with $300.  THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!  The good news is that I didn’t go into suicidal ideation, because I’ve made a firm decision that that is not an option for me.  The other good news is that my very generous sister gave me $400 to take the pressure off.  Now I have enough to pay the monthly bills.  I will have to get a loan from Mom & Dad to pay April’s rent, but I’m getting ahead of myself.  It’s only March 3rd.  THANK GOD for family support!!!!  Still it feels like shit not to be self-supporting, and I want to get a job as soon as possible.  I think that’s probably obvious :).

Happy Things:  We have been having some beautiful, Spring like days which I looooooooove.  Also, we are one weekend away from Springing Forward!!!  I have been taking my two 13 year old goddaughters to work out on Saturdays and that time with them is golden.  All very happy things to be grateful for.  Also through all of my personal turmoil, I have remained a non-smoker.  This is a happy thing too.  And in total I have lost nine pounds so far, so my big fat pregnant-looking tummy is slowly shrinking, thank you JEEBUS!!!  That is a relief.  I am very self-conscious about my weight and it is a relief to be losing weight.

Well this is a long-ass blog so I think I will bring it to a close.  I hope you all had a good week.  Let me know how you are in the Comments!  Peaches and Love to you!

23 Days Until SPRING!

crocuses in snow

The weather has not been a joy around here.  It’s been cold and snowy, with no way to get out and walk, which is my preferred way of exercising.  I push myself to go to the gym, but I haven’t gone every day like I’d like to.  So I was SO EXCITED to see a Facebook Memory post I had made that said that it’s only 23 days until Spring!  Granted, a certain date won’t mean that we won’t have any more snow, but we will see signs of Spring, such as these beautiful crocuses, trees budding, and warmer days.  And I will be able to get out more and walk.  The days will get longer, the clocks will spring forward, and my mood will slowly rise.  I will wake up to birdsong in the morning.  These are simple joys that I truly miss in the Winter.

For this Bipolar gal, my optimal seasons are Spring and Summer, so I am looking forward to days where everything isn’t such a damn struggle, where I spring out of bed, where I can go outside on my porch in my pj’s with my coffee and experience the morning in all its glory.  I can’t wait!

Back To Devil Dust

Well it’s May 1st but according to Colorado it’s still Winter!  We’re on our way to seven to ten inches and I have to say this is getting a little old.  I looked out my window this morning and I seriously considered staying in bed, but I did that yesterday and two days in a row is just unacceptable!  Dammit, weather!  This Spring just will not stick!  Will I be writing the same shit in June?  Are we going for some kind of perverted record?  Am I some old granny writing a Farmer’s Almanac and I just forgot?  Oh Lordy Jeez what does it all mean?  Is this the Snow Apocalypse?  If you don’t hear from me tonight be very, very worried!

Greetings From The Polar Ice Craps


After April showers of snow in blizzard-like fashion, grey skies abounding, Spring decided to make an appearance this afternoon.  The sun peeked out from behind the clouds, blue sky appeared, and the drip, drip, drip began.  The sun has gone down, but the drip continues.  Oh happy dripping melting devil dust!  I am glad to see you go.

Must. Stop. Listening!

Oh the terrible, gruesome and sad coverage of the explosions in Boston goes on and on.  I just now shut off the radio.  I’ve had it on, oh, four hours.  Just a little overkill I’d say.  Excuse me if that’s a pun, I don’t know.  I’m on autopilot.  I think I have a little bit of PTSD.  I was warming some soup in the microwave, it popped and I screamed.  GOD it’s good I live alone.  How would I explain THAT?

We are having another attack of Lucifer Dust, so far we have about six or seven inches and we’re supposed to get another six inches through the night.  The birds are still flying around, because it’s Spring and they wanna get busy!  Spring is such a horny season, isn’t it?  There. I said it.  Everybody knows it’s true.  Give me that delicious sunshine already, Spring!  It’s about time I bust out a haiku on Spring.

I Love Macro 1

Spring you old Devil

Bring me your warmth and sunshine

Stop being a tease

Oh Spring, Where Art Thou?

Spring Flowers

It’s snowing today and the high should be in the 20’s.  I’m sorry but this shit is getting OLD!  I just had to post a pic of spring flowers from last year’s garden . . . maybe if we all visualize really hard, we can bring that early spring that the otherwise useless Punxsutawney Phil predicted.  Whatcha think?  DOWN WITH WINTER!!  ON TO SPRING!!  What a natural mood elevator.  I need it now!