Wow, it’s been five days and I’m still the Snot Queen! Yahoo! It’s good to be Queen. Oops. No. Not of snot. Well what the hell is going on? I am sweating this new insurance I had to buy with the new year. Am I insured? Yes. Or maybe no. It depends on who you ask. This is not very reassuring since I have prescriptions that are running out tomorrow and the refills would cost me oh, around $900 without insurance. Yep. That’s for generic fucking Abilify. I told you that drug is my nemesis!! It’s a devil drug company, but the shit actually works pretty good. One of the few mood stabilizers that doesn’t have me eating the kitchen table, so I like it. That, and I have a modicum of creativity back. How the fuck do these things work? How do so many of them steal the muse, and then one doesn’t? It’s really a mind-fuck to me. Are we just ultimately a set of chemical cocktails? I tend to think so. And my cocktail is good right now, baby. Don’t fuck with it! That’s what I’ll say to Dr. Drugs next week when I see him. He is a fan of the “tweak”, whereas I am much more “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” This is why we lock horns. Sooner or later I fear he may fire me for being such an ass-pain. In the meantime I’m gonna fight! For the right! To funnnnnnnnnction!
On the weather front, I’d say it’s between suck and suckaroo with about five inches of snow today. Driving is..an..adventure with snowpacked roads and assholes with four wheel drives (I have a four wheel drive but in this one case I’m not an asshole) trying to pass on two lane roads if you’re driving cautiously. I guess it’s time to go sit in front of the therapy light again and dream of warmer climes…nothing wrong with a little fantasy, right? Hunky hunks and warmer climes are what I want! All in good time….
Hope your day is fantastico, filled with good drugs, good human connections and a general lack of assholes! Peach out!
Being sick sucks! Big-time! For us Bipolars or Depressed Persons, it can cause a resurgence in our mental health symptoms as well. For me, I tend to get very mental whenever I run a fever, losing all perspective and going straight to suicidality. Fortunately, this flu doesn’t feature a fever, or if it does, my daily dose of meloxicam (all day painkiller) is counter-acting it, because I haven’t gone completely mental, for which I am grateful. I have pretty much calmly accepted that all I can do is lay in bed, cough, blow out snot, and sleep. Not too much eating, maybe a light snack per day, and no coffee or light therapy. Just sleep. Knocked on your ass much? Why yes, yes I have been.
Because I am an asshole, I remember having a fleeting thought last week that “I wish I could get sick so that I could check out of life for a couple of days.” I KNOW!! Totally assholian!!! So, on the off chance, or the maybe-chance, or the probable-chance that I can create these things with my thoughts, let me state loud and proud a few more wishes that I’d like to bring into reality: 1. I wish I’d come into roughly one million dollars (Dr. Evil voice); 2. I wish I’d meet a hundilyicious hunkety-hunk of a man who fuckin’ LOVES me; 3. I wish I’d lose twenty five more pounds and keep it off. Not much, eh? I think these things can TOTALLY happen!
Well I feel like a new person, I just took a shower for the first time in….five days? I know, don’t judge. I was gross. I am off to make my famous fruit-and-veggie smoothie, the cornerstone of my healthy diet. Hey, let me know how the hell YOU are, eh? Peach to the outs, homies!
Oh MAN red alert on the stomach flu that’s going around!! I am on my fourth day of it and it has put me through the physical and emotional wringer!! I don’t know if this is true for any of my fellow bp’s, but for me, running a fever is akin to a full nervous breakdown. I might as well not be on any medicine at all! I’ve been crying like it’s the new black, catastrophizing to the point where I’ve lost my job and am living in a homeless shelter, I’ve eaten six crackers in four days, puked the rainbow…what else? Well I guess that’s enough detail for now, I don’t want to send you into a sympathetic response. Suffice to say I am exhausted. This is a doosy of a fuckin’ flu. Is it possible that THE DEVIL created the flu? Could this be biological warfare? If not, it should be. It’d be a very potent weapon to bring the enemy to its knees, literally. Oh, mama. Just writing this has caused me to need a nap. So, I’ll sign off for now, see you again when I’m healthier my friends. Beware of the Tummy Terror! Avoid at all costs!!!