This Bipolar Chick Is A Certified Ethical Hacker!

Whelp, I didn’t think I could do it.  Seriously.  I didn’t think it was going to happen.  I cried.  I prayed.  I studied my ass off.  But I didn’t think it was enough.  Well guess what?  Sometimes the Universe hands you a little miracle in the form of a PASS!  And I PASSED the Certified Ethical Hacker exam today!!!  Believe me, no one is more surprised than me!!  Sure, I studied.  But I didn’t own the material.  It was just SO MUCH TO KNOW.  I can’t even convey to you all the different tools they were testing on, things I’d never even heard of, would crop up on questions, and I’d be like, WTF?  I need to know this?  Or WHY do I need to know THIS?  It just went on and on.  I was feeling quite a bit of despair there at the end.  I prayed for a miracle.  And I believe I got one!

First of all, it’s a miracle that this training was even offered to me.  Second of all, it’s a miracle that I decided to try, because I didn’t really believe that I could learn this stuff.  After three + years off work and 40+ ECT treatments, I just thought my brain was fried, end of story.  But something in me said, “Try.”  And I can’t believe I did.  And I can’t believe that this is the outcome!!  To me, this just goes to show, you don’t know the end of the story.  You might think, this is it, this is my life, Bipolar has me beaten (which is what I thought), but Life might have another message for you.  And it might be really, really good.

So I am so encouraged.  I still have a dwindling bank account, and a car for sale, but I have HOPE.  And I have two high-value IT certifications that say that I can learn, that I’m a technical person, that I have abilities.  And I have six baby bird eggs about to hatch!  Life is good.  I think, I actually believe, that I’m going to be o.k.  And for that, I am extremely grateful.

The Grind Is Getting To Me!

Oh, Glory!  The book that came with our class (I’m sure you know what class but it is Certified Ethical Hacker) is an absolute piece of shit, basically the slide-deck that the teacher uses each night for class.  It’s all graphics and bullet points and no actual substance.  So, I bought a book from Amazon to help me study for the certification.  And the REAL grind has begun.  Again.  I know now what it takes to get a certification, it takes giving it your ALL.  I have been reading the new book ALL DAY.  I created a calendar with a schedule of how many chapters I need to finish per week and it’s fucking intense!  This fucking studying is some lonely business!!  I know it’s time-limited, but my feelings don’t know that.  I just feel lonely and super-tired of studying and I want to do something else.  I know, I know, where’s the gratitude?  For this great opportunity?  Well, I’ve lost it.  Perspective, out the window.  I need to get it back and be able to buckle down and focus and do this.  Ok, Ok, I’m ahead of schedule.  I had one chapter as this week’s goal and I’m on Chapter 2.  I just want to be done and certified already.  I need to be ok with this process.  I don’t know if I have it in me to do this again.  I think I need a hug.