It’s About Damn Time

It’s time.  IT’S TIME!  Mama, it’s time!  (Stealing a little bit from Steel Magnolias).  Yes it’s time.  It’s about DAMN TIME I update this blog.  Jesus Christ does the time fly!  Here it is MARCH already!  YAYYYY and only eleven days until we Spring Forward into Daylight Savings Time!  Mama Mia I have sailed through this winter without any of the usual Winter Blues!  THANK YOU, DR. DRUGS!!!  He added just a baby dose of Zoloft to my regimen, and it’s made all the difference!!

Well I have become a goddamn SLUG at updating this blog, and I’m sorry.  It’s a reflection of the fact that I now have a life, plain & simple.  I had a good three years of not much to do, and now I have wayyyy so much to do.  I am still working for Dr. Flaky, which is going fine, I might even have to change her name to Not-As-Flaky, but I dunno, I’ll think about it.  I go to my Mom & Dad’s two days a week and act like a maid (tired of that but they pay me and last I checked I still need the money).  AND AND AND I have taken my first class in Computer Security and I am studying like MAD for the certification test!

I have to say, at the grand old age of 50, I was damn scared that I wouldn’t be able to learn the material, and scared that it would be beyond my comprehension, and I’m happy to report that neither of these fears have been realized!  I CAN learn, and I CAN understand!!!  What a revelation!  AND, I can apply myself!  Rather diligently!  In fact, the answer to my rampant pot use (and subsequent eating everything in the apartment) it turns out was just that I needed something to occupy my time, and now I have it.  And, this is so nerdy, y’all, but I have to say, I much prefer having all this studying to do to all the free time spent getting stoned & watching tv.  There!  I said it!  I am actually ENJOYING studying my ass off and learning this shit.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?  It’s hard for even me to grasp.  But it’s a gigantor blessing, and I’m embracing it and studying the fuck out of it.  I hope to take the certification test in about a month.  My next class is April 10.  Now if I can just keep from running out of money before I finish all this shit, I’ll be happy.

After working in IT Support for over twenty-five years, and getting colossally burnt out on it, and then spending three years in Disability-limbo, and feeling disabled by my Bipolar, this has been a very exciting and empowering process.  I thought my story was ended, basically, but here, we have a new chapter.  And to me, that’s exciting, and I’m very grateful for that.  So, there’s hope!  I guess it ain’t over until you’re in the ground!  Good for me to remember.  Because I had stuck a fork in myself and said “Done”.

Hope you’re all doing well out there in the blogosphere, I will try to catch up on you too.  I have been surreptitiously reading some of your blogs, but haven’t commented lately.  I am reading though!  Take care, friends, and holla if you want below . . .

What Next?

OMG. I really really really finished cleaning the FUCK out of my house. I guess I can’t call it my house any more since I just moved out of it. So I cleaned it so hard, it looks better than it did when I moved in! I hope like hell that the property manager guy does the right thing and sends me back ALL of my money!!

So I have a very “What Now?” feeling going on. I was so focused on packing, moving, and cleaning for the last few weeks and now it’s . . . Done! What next?

I am reading the latest issue of Vogue, it is like seven or eight hundred pages and weighs a TON and I think it’s injuring my arms to hold it up to read. Well not really read. It’s mostly advertisements. Mostly I look at it and go “What the FUCK? Who thought THAT was a good idea?” You know how they try to make really ugly shit look like it’s THE SHIT? Yeah. No. I don’t care what you say, Vogue, ugly is still ugly. But some of it is entertaining my brain. And then I think about how I used to sew and make my own clothes and have a sexy body and it’s like, Damn! What happened? I need to turn this shit AROUND!!! Maybe my “What next” is that I need to plot a COMEBACK to where I look and feel more like myself again. Maybe I will make myself my own little project.

Did you ever do that? I mean, with someone else? I used to date guys who were several rungs below me on the socioeconomic ladder (sue me, but I was wayyyyy better than them) and I would make the guy my improvement project. Clean him up, cut his hair, put him in some better clothes….but then he’d still be talking dirty out loud in the middle of a nice restaurant…or thinking someone was looking at him wrong and calling out across the fine, classy restaurant “What’s YOUR problem, BITCH?” Yeah that shit never worked out like I thought it should. Lots of attempts at putting lipstick on a pig. Mixed results.

Maybe I’ll have better luck at improving myself. Then again, I have been known to bust right through the appropriateness barrier at the most inopportune of times . . . Well fuck I can try anyway can’t I? We’ll see.