When All Else Fails, Help Someone Else

Well I am off to Fort Collins, Colorado to help my technology-challenged Aunt look into other phone options.  She “may” finally be ready to graduate from her flip phone to a smartphone, we’re not sure.  She is very hip, but still in her 70’s, and very intimidated by all this new-fangled shit like iPhones and Internet and she sure as fuck wants nothing to do with Facebook!  Nevertheless, she needs someone to hold her hand when she goes to the Verizon store and if there’s one thing my disability has afforded me, it’s the time to be of service to my family members and their various needs.  I am going to stay grateful, try not to panic, and go one day at a time.  Just as I remind myself when I’m working out and waiting for that thirty-three minutes to pass, Be In The Moment.

And in other news, THE BRONCOS WON AGAINST THE PATRIOTS!!!  It’s the little things, people, the little things that renew my will to LIVE!  LIIIIIVVVVVEEEEE another day.  The Denver Broncos are going to the SuperBowl!!!  Now I have renewed my faith in Jeebus Krikey and I pray that they don’t get their asses handed to them by the Carolina Kittycats.  SO EXCITING!!  Off I go to walk through another day . . . I hope yours is splendid ❤

TWO Count Them TWO Sets Of Plans For Tonight!!!

WOW well this hasn’t been the best week.  I have had a hard time getting going every day, and I haven’t managed to exercise each day which is my goal (and my saving grace).  I don’t know what my major malfunction is, other than the fact that is hasn’t been very warm here, although it has still been beautiful, for the most part.  I think I am lonely.  No, I know I am.  However, I am excited to have TWO sets of plans for tonight!!  First, I am meeting my friend S and her boyfriend for a drink and I think dinner (S is who I stayed with when I first got to Florida).  I have only seen her once since I moved out of her house, so it will be great to see them.  Then at about 7pm I am meeting friends from my former Meetup group for a poker game!  Yeah!  I am not a great poker player but I am a GREAT bluffer.  So I’m going to work on my poker game as well as my bluff.

Right now I’m off to see the psychiatrist at the Cattle-Call Mental Health Practice, they just process us through like we’re cattle.  The psychiatrist couldn’t be less caring.  But hey! Fuck!  It gets me that fucking Clozaril.  Whatever.

Sunday, the BRONCOS are in the playoffs.  GO BRONCOS!!!!!  Hope you all have a slammin’ weekend.  Peaches!!

This Bitch Called Change

I am in the process of packing up my house and moving everything into storage. I have the movers coming on Thursday the 28th. In the meantime I have been packing like mad and moving as much as I can to storage myself, to try to minimize how much the movers have to do. I’m a little ahead of the game here and I already packed all the dishes and moved them to storage. I forgot to leave out a coffee cup which kind of bums me out. I am drinking my morning coffee out of one of those big plastic cups with a lid and a straw that you get when you’re in the hospital. Somehow it’s just not as satisfying as drinking out of a favorite coffee cup.

This may sound shallow or idiotic but I really am attached to my “things”. Practically everything I own has a story attached to it. I was telling my sister yesterday as we packed, this coffee cup was our Aunt Joann’s (who died tragically immediately following a lung transplant), and this coffee cup was a gift from another Aunt, and this paring knife was actually my sister’s in COLLEGE over twenty years ago!! I still have a nightshirt that my Aunt Mary (now deceased) gave me about 25 years ago and I still wear it. I still have a long-sleeved t-shirt my brother gave me for my birthday about twenty years ago. Still wear it. I’m a sentimental fool. So, my point is, I’m going to miss all my crap when I put it in storage for God knows how long. When will I have my own home again? That thought scares the shit out of me.

I’m planning on couch-surfing with different family members until around November, at which time I will run away to Florida. I’m trying this novel idea called “Let’s Skip Winter And Not End Up In The Looney Bin”. I really really hope that being away from the Colorado winter allows me to hold my shit together and stay out of the hospital. The last two winters I had several stays in the bin. There are just so many unknowns attached to this plan. Although I believe it’s a good idea, I’m afraid. I’m trying to look at it as an adventure. Fortunately I will have you, my lovely readers, to go along with me. I’ll keep you posted as to my progress.

Have a wonderful weekend and GO BRONCOS!!!

I Choose Love

My favorite meditation on my Deepak Chopra Living in Love app on my iphone is called “I Choose Love.” That is the mantra that is repeated throughout the meditation. Most of the time when I’m meditating, my mind is just wandering around the universe, wondering if I have any yogurt in the refrigerator? Did I forget to pick up a prescription at Walgreens? Is it time to get a new pedicure? If so, what color?

For the first time today when I was meditating, I was actually able to focus on and experience the mantra “I Choose Love.” A chill went through my body as I realized that when it comes to Love, my cup runneth over. I am so incredibly blessed with this huge, and hugely supportive family of parents, brothers, sisters, brother and sister-in-laws, and dearly precious nieces and nephews, not to mention cousins, aunts, uncles, and some very rockin’ friends. I am blessed and I am grateful.

In my last post I mentioned that my ECT doc suggested that I may need to do ECT once a week for life. In talking to my therapist about it, she thought that notion was completely ridiculous (thank you therapist!!) and she also pointed out that there is a BOATLOAD of evidence showing that meditation, yoga and exercise help create new neural pathways in the brain, and they all strongly aid in the reduction of depressive symptoms. So, I’ve decided to keep up with the daily meditation, yoga, exercise, and supplement taking (as well as psychiatric meds) and I called and cancelled Friday’s ECT appointment.

I choose LOVE, including self-love (no I’m not talking about masturbating) as my primary treatment for depression. I believe!! Click here for my favorite most uplifting song regarding believing. I’m no bible thumper (you may have noticed my fantastically foul mouth) but one thing I really DO love is gospel music. I love to sing it too!! It can really spank my mood into submission.

On a totally unrelated note (hold on, I’m hitting the brakes so I can flip a bitch!) I am going to the Broncos game tomorrow!!! I am SO EXCITED and I pray that we smash Seattle into the ground!! GO BRONCOS!!!!! I’ll see ya on the flipside. PEACHES!!