We Need To Put The NFL To Work Against ISIS

The National Football League is a no-brainer to go route out ISIS. They are smart, strong, capable, close-knit teams of warriors who know how to take orders.  They have many and varied skills and could find and kill ISIS soldiers in a New York Minute.  The competition is the same:  Broncos vs. The Chiefs in who can kill the most ISIS fighters.  I can see Peyton Manning lobbing a hand grenade for 75 yards, completely obliterating an ISIS stronghold.  The Orange Crush busting through their makeshift landmines and Aqib Talib poking eyes out left and right.

As far as other teams, Tom Brady might lob a pop can filled with sand that would surely land on an ISIS fighter’s head and give him quite a goose egg. Then the Offensive Line could move in in a moment of weakness and kick the shit out of him.  Teams would engage in hand-to-hand combat and pants the ISIS fighters to show how many they took down.  Each pair of pants would result in a score for that team.

The Superbowl would be held in Syria, with opposing teams fighting to take Tikrit back from ISIS. Both teams, wearing their uniforms but with AK-47’s slung over their backs, shooting to kill, or if they felt like it, killing to shoot.  Either is an option in the NFL.  The winner of the Superbowl would become honorary Heads of State in Tikrit, bringing peace and good fortune to all.

This may sound like a longshot but we’ve got to engage in some creative thinking where ISIS is concerned, something our world leaders have failed to do. Let’s get this message of NFL ass-kicking out there and see what can be done!  ISIS must be defeated at all costs!!  WE ARE WITH YOU, FRANCE!!  VIVE LA NFL!!  VIVE LA FRANCE!!

T Minus Eleven Days


I don’t really know where that T-Minus shit comes from, but this is my way of saying that I am leaving for Florida in eleven days! GodDAMN the time has flown this Fall!! I am such a baby about my family, I am quite apprehensive about leaving them! However, there is a lot to look forward to in Florida, including the BEACH, warmer days, longer days, and I even heard about the Salvador Dali museum in St. Petersburg! Oh fuck yeah you know I’m there!! My ECT psychiatrist told me about it and said, I shit you not, “You wanna get a little baked before going there.”

Speaking of getting baked, I don’t DARE travel with marijuana, as I’ve heard so many stories of “pot profiling”, i.e. people with Colorado or Washington license plates being pulled over in other states just because of their license plates, and having their cars searched. I will have to use my crafty criminal mind to figure out a way to get some of this wonderful Colorado pot to Florida, independent of my car. Should be fun.

I’ve done some responsible things, like having my car checked out for the 2,000 mile trip. Eight hundred dollars later, I feel confident that it will make the trip safely. I’ve made an appointment with a psychiatrist in St. Petersburg in November. I have yet to find a therapist, though, and I haven’t made an ECT appointment. I reserve Tuesdays and Wednesday mornings for high-functioning activities such as these.

I also looked on Meetup, and sadly there is no Denver Broncos meetup in St. Petersburg. I think I will start one. By the way, have I told you lately that Peyton Manning is the shittiest-shit-shit that’s ever been shit? What a game yesterday!! We screamed ourselves hoarse. Peyton Manning accounts for at least 72% of my will to live. GOD I wish football went year-round! I think in Heaven it does.

Well I better keep this short, as I need to get back to my useless surfing of the web, and I need to drink maybe two more Diet Cokes so that I can get up and do SOMETHING by 2pm (my deadline to stop fucking around). Enjoy your Monday my friends!! Peach out!